


Wonder Woman Vs Harley Quinn

by Baz



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Justice League - All Media Types, Suicide Squad (2016), Wonder Woman (2017)
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-07 10:05:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11621319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baz/pseuds/Baz
Summary: Poor Harley keeps getting put down by the Joker.How will she win his affection?By fighting against Wonder Woman and killing her.But this won't be easy, so Harley seeks the help of Poison Ivy and the Scarecrow.Will Harley's plan work and will she defeat Wonder Woman?





	1. Chapter 1

WONDER WOMAN Vs HARLEY QUINN

 

“YOU ARE A USELESS BITCH!” The Joker barked at Harley.

 

“I’m……….I’m sorry, Puddin’,” apologised Harley in fear. “It…………. It won’t happen again!”

 

“ _It won’t happen again, Puddin_ ’!” mimicked the Joker in a silly voice. “YOU SAID THAT EVERYTIME YOU SCREWED UP! BUT IT DID HAPPEN AGAIN! DIDN’T IT, HARLEY?”

 

What happened was that The Joker and Harley were delivering bags of heroin that were inside 40 Jack-In-The-Boxes. As they were driving to Falconi’s to deliver them, Nightwing and Batgirl followed them in their small open Batcopter. Harley was supposed to shoot at them with the machine gun attached to the top of the Joker’s car, but she forgot to bring magazines. Which meant that the gun had very little ammo.

 

Harley tried with all her might to shoot at the Batcopter, but it was no use. Nightwing made the Batcopter do all kinds of fancy moves dodging Harley’s bullets.

 

When Harley ran out, Batgirl jumped from the copter and landed on the cart connected to the back of the Joker’s car. She attached a hook to the top of the massive sack that contained all the Jack-In-The-Boxes. Then Nightwing used the copter to pull off the sack, with Batgirl clinging onto it, from the cart and flew away with it to the police station.

 

The Joker then stopped the car on Gotham bridge and he made Harley get out so that he could tell her off.

 

“I don’t know why I bother letting you stick with me, you piece of shit,” sneered the Joker to a whimpering Harley. “You’re walking home.”

 

The Joker got into his car and drove, leaving behind a weeping Harley.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Harley went into her usual pub. It was a pub for criminals, and Harley was a regular customer there. She mostly went there when The Joker was being too rough on her.

 

The crying Harley sat by the bar.

 

“The usual?” asked the bartender.

 

Harley nodded and the bartender give her a bottle of whiskey, a glass and a box of tissue. Her eyeliner was running down her face.

 

“Why do you even hang out with that asshole?” asked the bartender.

 

“We have so much in common,” sobbed Harley. “And we had some good times………….. But yet we are chalk and cheese.”

 

“Do yourself a favour, sweetheart,” suggested the bartender. “Dump his ass. Plenty of good men in Gotham. And not a criminal. Find a decent man, one that’ll treat you right.”

 

“Date someone like Bruce Wayne?” asked Harley with a smile.

 

“He’s handsome and rich,” said the bartender. “Why not?”

 

“Yeah, but he lacks the bad-boy thing that I’m attracted to,” replied Harley.

 

“By ‘bad-boy’, you mean ‘asshole’?” asked the bartender.

 

“Yeah,” said Harley.

 

As the bartender served more customers, Harley was in deep thought:

 

_There has got to be something that can make Mr J go nuts about me. But what?_

 

Harley saw the news on the TV that was above the bar. It was a report about Wonder Woman stopping criminals in Gotham. She said that she was there to meet up with her friend, The Batman.

 

“She’s screwing him,” muttered Harley.

 

Then she had an idea. A massive smile crept over her face. She then got on top of the stool and climbed onto the bar. She pulled out her pistol and fired it into the air. The whole pub went silent and looked at Harley.

 

“Okay, bitches, listen up!” she announced. “I, Harley Quinn, will capture the Wonder Woman and kill her!”

 

Everyone looked at her confused.

 

“Though I cannot do it alone!” she continued. “So who will help me?”

 

The whole pub was silent for 5 seconds and then……………

 

The whole place roared with laughter.

 

Harley was pissed.

 

“Screw you, guys!” she snapped. “You can all rot in Hell!”

 

She got back on her stool and continued finishing her drink.

 

“Dr Quinzel?”

 

It was a woman with red hair and dressed in a green shirt and darker green skirt with heels.

 

“My name is Dr Pamela Isley,” she greeted. “I’m a friend of Dr Jonathan Crane.”

 

Dr Crane appeared behind Pamela.

 

“We’d like to help you get the Wonder Woman,” said Dr Crane.

 

“You gonna make fun of me too?” asked a fed up Harley.

 

“No,” answered Dr Crane. “After you finished your drink, I’ll take you to my lab.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Later, Dr Crane took Harley and Pamela to his lab and they saw his many chemicals and pills in jars.

 

“Could we have a sniff of your gas?” asked Harley.

 

“My gas is used for emergencies only,” answered Dr Crane. “Not for getting high on.”

 

“Now, Harley,” began Pamela. “The biggest question is how the hell do you fight Wonder Woman? Getting punched by her is like getting hit by a train.”

 

“My only answer is a very powerful steroid,” answered Harley.

 

“That could work,” said Dr Crane. “Not just any steroid, but a steroid that could match the strength of Wonder Woman’s. Perhaps even more.”

 

“But how do you make a steroid that could make you stronger than Wonder Woman?” asked Harley.

 

“Well, as luck will have it, we have a sample of her blood in this jar,” said Pamela as she lifted up a small jar with blood in it, and showed it to Harley.

 

“Wonder Woman’s blood?” asked Harley in disbelief.

 

Pamela nodded.

 

“How did you get this?” asked Harley.

 

“Well, let’s just say like most criminals, Dr Crane has a few friends that pose as policemen, doctors, milkmen and even maids,” explained Pamela. “As you know, the Wonder Woman is staying here in a massive hotel. One of Dr Crane’s went into her bathroom and…………..”

 

She whispered into Harley’s ear.

 

“Ugh!” cried Harley.

 

“And voila, a godsend,” Pamela finished her story.

 

“Using the blood I could create a steroid matching her strength,” said Dr Crane. “And Harley, you could use it to fight the bitch. Imagine it, a mortal killing a goddess. You’ll be the criminal to end all criminals. Perhaps even your Mr J.”

 

Harley was over the moon about this. Her plan was actually working.

 

“And in return, J will give you a shit tonne of money,” said Harley.

 

“Fair enough, let us begin,” said Dr Crane who pulled out another jar with a small grey pill in it.

 

“I have here another pill that could slow anyone’s adrenaline down and make them as slow as a tortoise. Not sure if you could use that against Wonder Woman, but we’ll try.”

 

“You make the steroid, Jonathan,” said Pamela. “Harley and I will find a way to get this pill into Wonder Woman.”

  
  
  
  
  


Pamela let Harley stay in her house. It was actually a massive greenhouse. It was full of all exotic plants and glass cases with very poisonous snakes in them. The snakes creeped Harley out.

 

“Sorry, I’m a little…………….. Not used to snakes,” panicked Harley.

 

“They actually more friendlier than the criminals in this city,” replied Pamela who opened up a bottle of wine.

 

“I do have some idea to torture Wonder Woman,” said Harley.

 

“Do tell,” suggested Pamela as she poured two glasses.

 

“I start up a YouTube account and we’ll have a livestream of us torturing Wonder Woman,” said Harley.

 

“I thought you wanted to fight her,” said Pamela.

 

“Yeah, but it would be a while until Crane finally makes that steroid,” said Harley. “But it would be awesome to just torture Wonder Woman in front of the whole world.”

 

As Harley and Pamela drank away, they talked about their goals in life.

 

“My dream is to rid every single city,” said Pamela, drunkenly. “I hate cities because they’re full of pollution. And they destroy planet life. I mean, trees help us to breathe, but humanity thinks they’re in the way, and therefore they suffocate themselves. I want to make this whole planet a massive Garden of Eden.”

 

“Well, it’ll tough to do cos of Superman and the Lantern,” replied Harley.

 

“Well, we’ll find a way to kill them,” said Pamela. “Also, like these snakes, I want to poison everyone with a deadly kiss. Become the first poisonous woman, like in a fairy tale.”

 

“You’ll be a goddess,” said Harley.

 

“Ruler of the Earth, bitches!” announced Pamela. “To the downfall of Wonder Woman and HUMANITY!”

 

She saw that the wine bottle was empty.

 

“MORE WINE!” she cried as she pulled out another bottle.

  
  
  
  
  
  


2 days went past and Crane’s spies were searching as always. Such a boring job. Most of the time they wait outside a building for hours and nothing happens. But the pay is good.

 

Harley and Pamela were at the greenhouse and they were watching the Japanese horror movie ‘Audition’, one of Harley’s favourites. They got up to the torture scene at the end. Pamela was in shock, but Harley was digging it.

 

“It’s disturbing, yet fascinating,” exclaimed Pamela.

 

Just then, she got a call on her Smartphone from Dr Crane.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Doctors, we have found Wonder Woman,” said Crane on the other end.

  
  
  
  
  


In an alleyway, Oswald Cobblepot and his thugs were beating up a man.

 

“You didn’t pay us the right ammount, ya soft bastard!” barked Cobblepot in his Yorkshire accent.

 

“Look, Mr Cobblepot,” panicked the man. “I don’t have that amount of money!”

 

“Ah, bugger this!” said Cobblepot pulling out his pistol and pointing it at the man.

 

Just then, a glowing rope seemed to whack off Cobblepot’s pistol from his hand.

 

He and his thugs looked over to see who it was.

 

Wonder Woman herself.

 

“Is this all you do with your life?” she asked Cobblepot. “Bully others to get money for you, because you can’t be bothered finding a job?”

 

“A _woman_ telling me what to do!” growled Cobblepot. “Back in my day, a woman would be up shit creek for doing this. Lads, sort her out.”

 

Cobblepot’s thugs made their way over to her.

 

“Alright, luv,” one of them sneered.

 

Just then, Wonder Woman sucker punched him in the face causing him to fly across the alley and hit a dumpster.

 

Then a second thug ran over to Wonder Woman with a steel pipe, hoping to attack her. But she just grabbed the pipe and bent it all over his hand like a rope, trapping his hand.

 

The third thug got out his chain and hit Wonder Woman on the head with it. But she just stood there and looked at him.

 

She then used her rope to wrap around the man’s ankles and threw him out of the alley.

 

When he landed, he got up and ran for the hills. So did the other two thugs.

 

“Ere!” Cobblepot barked after them. “You lost against a woman for Christ’s sake!”

 

Wonder Woman made her way over to Cobblepot, who backed away in fear.

 

“Your turn Mr Cobblepot,” insisted Wonder Woman.

 

Cobblepot looked at her, afraid.

 

“Um, oh is that the time, me favourite show’s comin’ on,” he lied cowardly. “I’ll see you some other time, Wonder Woman.”

 

As Cobblepot disappeared, the victim groaned.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Wonder Woman took the man to the hospital and as she left the building, she saw a woman going into an alley crying.

 

Wonder Woman followed her and reached her way over to her.

 

The other woman was dressed in rags and wore a hood.

 

“I need help,” she sobbed.

 

“It's alright, I’m here,” said Wonder Woman.

 

The other woman turned around and hugged Wonder Woman.

 

“You are a kind, kind woman,” sobbed the poor woman.

 

“It’s alright,” said Wonder Woman.

 

Just then, Wonder Woman felt someone grabbed the back of her head and shoving their hand into her mouth.

 

The other hand poured vodka down Wonder Woman's mouth, and what ever was in her mouth, the vodka made her swallow it down.

 

Wonder Woman broke free of the poor woman’s grasp and saw the second person that was standing behind her.

 

Harley Quinn holding onto a bottle of vodka.

 

The poor woman wearing the rags…………. It was Pamela.

 

“Hello, Wonder Woman,” sneered Harley.

 

Wonder Woman felt weak.

 

“What is going on?” she asked.

 

She was getting so weak, that she couldn’t stand. She collapsed onto the ground.

 

Harley had made Wonder Woman swallow the anti-adrenaline pill.

 

She stood over Wonder Woman with an evil smile.

 

“Now the fun will begin,” she said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

That evening, Harley and Pamela brought the weakened Wonder Woman into a very dirty empty room. There were chains and shackles hanging from the ceiling.

 

“Good thing this building has great Wi-Fi,” said Harley as she set up the camera on a tripod.

 

The building was Harley’s own personal torture chamber. She had this place bought months ago. She never had any victims to torture, until now.

 

The torturing devices were a hard cane for whipping, a car battery and a chainsaw.

 

As Harley setup the camera, Pamela tried to get Wonder Woman’s magic bracelets off.

 

But as hard as she tried, she couldn’t pull them off.

 

“How do you get these off?” Pamela asked Wonder Woman.

 

“That’s for me to know, and for you to never find out,” replied Wonder Woman with a grin.

 

“Pam, she’s too weak to move any part of her body,” Harley told her friend. “She won’t be able to use the bracelets.”

 

So Pamela just lifted Wonder Woman’s arms up and put her wrists through the shackles. Wonder Woman was now strapped in like a prisoner.

 

Harley was now live on YouTube. She Tweeted Dr Crane on her laptop. Crane Tweeted back and even tweeted his spies. And they Tweeted their friends, and they Tweeted _their_ friends and so on.

 

There was now 5 million people watching the live feed.

 

“WOW!” cried Harley and Pamela in disbelief.

 

It was now time for the two of them to start the show.

 

“Hello, welcome to Pamela and Harley’s Torture Hour,” Harley said to the camera. “This week, our special guest is none other than the Justice League’s very own Wonder Woman!”

 

The hanging Wonder Woman gave a slight wave.

 

“Hello, YouTube,” she greeted.

 

“Now tonight kiddies, we’ll show you how to torture one of the Universe’s greatest heroes,” continued Harley. “First we have the cane. Old school, but we need to wet your appetites for the big finale!”

 

Harley walked behind Wonder Woman and was ready to whip her.

 

“Any last words, Wonder Woman?” asked Harley.

 

“No,” answered Wonder Woman.

 

“You’re right, less talk, more action!” shouted Harley as began to whip the back of Wonder Woman’s shoulders.

 

But as the cane hit the shoulders, it broke in half.

 

Harley and Pamela stood there in shock.

 

“Kay, let’s try the car battery,” said Pamela.

 

“Okay,” said Harley as she brought over the car battery that was attached to jumper cables.

 

Harley attached the ends of the cables to Wonder Woman’s ears.

 

“You’re going to make a shock pun, are you?” asked Wonder Woman, not looking the slightest bit worried.

 

“No,” said Harley as she stood back and was ready to turn the battery on.

 

“Ready, Pam?”

 

“Ready, Harl!”

 

“Frying tonight!” cried Harley as she flipped the switch.

 

The electricity went through the cable and started electrocuting Wonder Woman’s ears. She didn’t look bothered by all this.

 

More and more electricity flowed through, until………..

 

BOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

 

The car battery exploded.

 

Harley and Pamela jumped with fright.

 

They looked at Wonder Woman who didn’t even look hurt at all. She looked like no harm came to her.

 

Wonder Woman then looked into the camera.

 

“Never play with car batteries, boys and girls.”

 

Harley was fuming with rage.

 

“RIGHT!” she screamed. “THAT’S IT!”

 

Harley picked up the chainsaw and revved it up.

 

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

 

“You made us look like morons, Wonder Ho!” barked Harley. “AND THAT’LL COST YOU AN ARM AND A LEG!”

 

Harley ran over to Wonder Woman with the chainsaw and struck it into her leg.

 

She laughed hysterically as she began to saw Wonder Woman’s leg like a maniac.

 

Sparks flew like crazy.

 

But no blood.

 

Harley looked at Wonder Woman’s leg. It was not injured at all!

 

“That tickles,” said Wonder Woman.

 

Harley just kept sawing more and more and more!

 

But alas, nothing.

 

Harley then decided to do the unthinkable and saw Wonder Woman’s head off!

 

She striked the saw at Wonder Woman’s neck………

 

But all sparks and no blood.

 

Harley was so frustrated that she threw the chainsaw away.

 

“OH DUDE, C’MON!” bawled Harley.

 

Pamela looked into the laptop. She read the comments at the side of the screen.

 

“You guys suck!”

 

“This is all fake!”

 

“You’re not the real Harley Quinn and W.W., you’re just actors.”

 

“Wonder Woman is so hot. I want her as my prisoner, you girls are lucky.”

 

Harley then leaned against a wall and slid down to the floor. She was in tears.

 

“Now what are we gonna do?”

 

Just then, the door flew open and in walked………

 

“The Dominatrix!” barked Harley as she stood up.

 

Yes it was the leather clad Catwoman herself. And she was holding onto a can of Rockstar Energy Drink. She looked at Wonder Wonder.

 

“Hello there, Damsel-not-really-in-distress,” greeted the Cat.

 

“Hello, Miss Catwoman,” Wonder Woman greeted back.

 

“Heard your adrenaline was low,” said Catwoman. “So you need a bit of a boost.”

 

Catwoman walked over and held the tin of Rockstar to Wonder Woman’s lips. Catwoman poured and Wonder Woman began to drink the whole thing.

 

“Oh boy!” said a fearful Pamela.

 

She and Harley tried to run out of the door, but the Catwoman closed it. Then she ran behind Wonder Woman who was now all charged up with the energy drink.

 

Now that Wonder Woman had her adrenaline off the charts, she pulled her wrists breaking the shackles.

 

Harley and Pamela were now in fear as Wonder Woman clashed her bracelets together and…………..

 

A massive shockwave happened.

  
  
  
  
  


Harley and Pamela were now in a cell at the police station.

 

They had little cuts and bruises, but were okay.

 

They looked very depressed about what happened.

 

There was a TV on a wall near the cell. It was a news report about the live feed on Harley and Pamela torturing Wonder Woman.

 

“Wouldn’t you know it, Catwoman and Rockstar Energy drink saved the day,” said the Anchor.

 

Harley sighed.

 

“Now J will never love me.”

 

“At least we tried,” said Pamela. “And at least we did _catch_ Wonder Woman.”

 

 

 

 

  
  


Diana Prince and Selina Kyle were walking away from the police station.

 

“Now in return, I want your tiara,” said Selina.

 

“No,” replied Diana.

 

“Is that the thanks I get for saving your ass?” asked an annoyed Selina.

 

“I’ll buy you a lot of drinks tonight,” said Diana. “Selina Kyle, the woman who saved Wonder Woman.”

 

“Fair enough,” sighed Selina.

  
  
  
  


The depressed Harley and Pamela laid on their beds in their cell. Just then, they had a visitor.

 

“Hello, girls.”

 

It was Dr Crane.

 

“That was quite a livefeed.”

 

“Yeah, and I sucked big time,” groaned Harley.

 

“Good news,” said Dr Crane. “I have your medicine.”

 

Dr Crane held out a green and red pill.

 

Harley looked at Dr Crane, who then winked at her.

 

She then smiled.

 

“Oh my medicine, thanks doc.”

 

Harley took the pill and drank some water.

 

Dr Crane left, and Harley and Pamela waited.

 

“Anything?” asked Pamela.

 

“Not yet,” said Harley.

 

They waited for a few more minutes and then Harley got a notion.

 

She walked over to the bars and grabbed onto them.

 

Then she began to pull them.

 

Harley laughed.

 

The bars bent like rubber.

 

Harley then ripped out the bars from the cell and she and Pamela were free.

 

The cop keeping watching got alarmed.

 

“Hey, what the………..?”

 

Harley punched him so hard, that his body crashed through the wall. Harley and Pamela were able to escape from the station.

 

They made it outside and saw Dr Crane standing there by his car just waiting on them. They ran over and got into the car.

 

“Doc, thank you so much!” cried Harley who was all giddy. “I feel so alive!”

 

“Now you’ve got 45 minutes to fight Wonder Woman,” said Dr Crane.

 

Harley couldn’t believe it.

 

“45 MINUTES?” she cried.

 

“I couldn’t tell you back in your cell,” said Dr Crane.

 

“OH, THANKS A LOT, DOC!” groaned Harley.

 

“Hey, you got your steroid, now make the best damn 45 minutes you’ll ever have,” Dr Crane told her.

 

“Now it’s 44 minutes,” corrected Pamela.

 

“Okay, I will enjoy my 44 minutes,” said a disappointed Harley. “But how are we gonna find Wonder Ho-bag?”

 

“The anti-adrenaline pill you give her has a tracking device in it,” answered Dr Crane. “As long as it is still inside her body, we’ll be sure to find her location with this radar.”

 

On the dashboard was a map of Gotham which has a red dot on it. It was Wonder Woman’s location.

 

“As long as she doesn’t crap out the tracking device…………,” said Harley.

 

“She’s at the bar,” said Dr Crane as he stepped on it and drove the car to the destination.

  
  


  

  



	3. Chapter 3

That night, Diana, Selina, Dick and Barbara were having a drink in the pub. Selina was boasting to Dick and Barbara about how she saved Diana.

 

“So there I was, Harley to the left, her girlfriend to the right. How was I going to save the Wonder Woman?”

 

“Dude, we know,” said Barbara.

 

“We saw the live feed along with 5 million other people,” said Dick.

 

“Yeah, but you weren’t actually there, so shut up!” snapped Selina. “So, thanks to my cunning, I pulled out a can of Rockstar Energy drink, that I thankfully bought earlier. When one is about to cat burgle, you gotta up all night and be on your toes. Energy drink does the job. Speaking of energy drink, another Vodka Red Bull, Diana!”

 

“That was your third, Selina,” said Barbara.

 

“Shut up, Miss ‘Oh my daddy’s a cop, I’m better than you’,” snapped Selina.

 

“I never said that,” said Barbara.

 

“You were thinking it,” said Selina.

 

“What you can read minds now?” asked Dick.

 

“Yeah, I’m psychic,” answered Selina.

 

SMASH!

 

A motorbike got thrown through the window and landed on the floor. There was broken glass everywhere and people were panicking. Like everyone else, Diana, Selina, Dick and Barbara looked at the motorbike in shock.

 

“Didn’t predict that, did ya?” asked Dick.

 

Through the broken window stood the culprit.

 

Harley.

 

She was just standing there dressed in a latex jumpsuit that was all red in one side, black in the other.

 

“Wonder Woman!” she called. “We’re not finished yet! Come out here and I won’t harm anyone.”

 

Diana went into the ladies’. There was a rather dim woman looking into the mirror and putting lipstick on.

 

“Hey, what was that noise out there?” asked the dim woman.

 

“Somebody dropped a pint glass,” lied Diana as she went into a cubicle and closed the door.

 

After 5 seconds, the cubicle door opened and Wonder Woman walked out. The other dim woman’s eyes lit up as she saw Wonder Woman leaving.

 

“Oh My God, it’s Wonder Woman! Hey lady! Did you see that?”

 

The dim woman looked around the bathroom trying to see where Diana went.

 

“Where did that woman go to? Honestly!”

  
  
  
  
  


Wonder Woman walked out of the pub.

 

“Oh My God! Wonder Woman in my bar! Wonder Woman is in _my_ bar!” cried the bartender in delight. “This’ll attract more customers!”

 

Wonder Woman walked over to Harley, who had confidence off the charts.

 

“What do you want, Quinn?”

 

“I’m going to beat your ass and then kill you. Then J will love me forever and ever and ever!” answered Harley.

 

“Who’s J?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“The Joker!” answered Harley in a ‘Duh’ voice. “Where have you been?”

 

“Hasn’t the Joker been abusing you lately?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“Well…………… not abusing, but more he has a bit of a temper………..,” Harley struggled to say. “He’s under a lot of stress dealing with the authorities and your League of jerks!”

 

“So if you think you’ll kill me, then the Joker will love you forever?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“Yep,” answered Harley.

 

“How do you know that even though you will be known as the girl who killed me, that the Joker will still abuse you?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

Harley hadn’t thought of that and just looked at Wonder Woman.

 

After a few more seconds, Harley had enough.

 

“SHUT UP, YOU TALK TOO MUCH!”

 

Then she ran over and punched Wonder Woman right in the face. She hit her so hard, that Wonder Woman flew across the street and crashed into a building. Bricks fell on top of the confused Wonder Woman as she climbed out of the wreck.

 

Harley walked over to Wonder Woman, more psychotic than ever.

 

“Harley, did you take……..?” Wonder Woman began to ask.

 

“Steroids!” announced Harley as she grabbed Wonder Woman by the hair and pulled her out of the wreck.

 

Then Harley, still holding onto Wonder Woman’s hair, spun around and around and around and around. Then she let go off Wonder Woman’s hair and threw the superheroine into the air and she went flying up towards the top of a tall building.

 

Wonder Woman made it to the top and she crashed inside.

 

Harley then made her way over to the bottom of the building, pushing people out of her way.

  
  
  
  
  


Selina, Barbara and Dick saw the whole thing and were in shock. Dr Crane and Pamela had arrived. The trio were surprised to see them.

 

“Dr Crane,” said Barbara.

 

“Hello, kids,” greeted Crane.

 

“I take it you were behind this,” said Dick.

 

“I tell you the whole story over a drink,” replied Dr Crane.

  
  
  
  
  


Harley had burst into the building and made her way into the elevator. It too her to the 45th floor, the top. When the doors opened, she got out and looked around for Wonder Woman.

 

“Where are you Not-so-Wonder Woman?” sneered Harley as she looked around.

 

CLASH!

 

Wonder Woman, who was standing not too far away from Harley, clashed her bracelets and a shockwave sent Harley flying to the window. Harley smashed through, and just before she was about to fall, Wonder Woman arrived to grab onto her arm.

 

“Give it up, Quinn,” said Wonder Woman.

 

But Harley just looked at her.

 

“Up yours!”

 

She grabbed Wonder Woman by the hair and threw her out of the window. Both women were falling to the ground 300 feet.

 

Harley got on top of Wonder Woman.

 

“You’ll cushion my fall,” she said to her.

 

Sure enough, they reached the ground and SMASH!!!!

 

In a massive crater in the ground, Harley was still on top of Wonder Woman.

 

“Still alive Miss Woman?” asked Harley.

 

Then she bashed Wonder Woman several times in the face with her fist. The more Harley punched Wonder Woman’s head into the ground, the crater got bigger and bigger.

 

“I’ll pound you all the way to China,” said Harley.

 

But then Harley noticed something, there was a piece of glass stuck in her thigh. She stopped punching and looked at the glass. She then slowly pulled out the glass from a her thigh and blood oozed out.

 

“What the?” asked Harley as she got out her Smartphone.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Dr Crane was just finishing the whole story to Dick, Selina and Barbara. He was downing a pint of Guinness and Pamela just had cider.

 

“And now here we are watching Quinn fight one of the biggest titans in the Universe,” said Dr Crane.

 

“She’s got balls,” said Pamela. “Honestly you have to be insane like Harley to take on Wonder Woman. And Harley is crazier than crazy itself.”

 

Pamela’s Smartphone rang and it was Harley.

 

“Crane!” cried Harley on loudspeaker. “What the hell? I’m bleeding!”

 

“I said that the steroid will make you super strong, but not invincible,” replied Dr Crane. “Anyway, you have 10 minutes left.”

 

“10 MINUTES!” cried Harley.

  
  
  
  


Back in the crater, Harley howled in frustration and grabbed Wonder Wonder by the armour and threw her out of the crater. Harley then climbed out and grabbed onto a passing bus full of people. They screamed as Harley threw the bus toward Wonder Woman.

 

As the bus made it’s way toward Wonder Woman, she grabbed the bus and placed back onto the road. The bus driver drove off like crazy.

 

Harley was disgusted.

 

“You are so retarded! You could’ve easily thrown that bus back at me!”

 

“I don’t harm innocent people!” replied Wonder Woman.

 

“What about criminals?” asked Harley. “You beat the crap out of them all the time.”

 

“That’s defense,” replied Wonder Woman.

 

“Well, here I am, a criminal,” said Harley. “Do you worst.”

 

“My worst?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“Yeah, bring it on, bi-otch!” called Harley.

 

“You want to see my do my worst, you’ve got it!” said Wonder Woman as she ran over and held her fist out.

 

And then…………….

 

POW!!!!!

 

CRACK!!!

 

Harley howled in pain.

 

As she looked down, she screamed.

 

Wonder Woman had punched Harley in the leg so hard, that her bone was sticking out!

 

“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

 

The screaming girlfriend of the Joker sat on the ground and bawled.

 

“Now, it’s about time, you shall yield,” suggested Wonder Woman.

 

Harley looked at Wonder Woman and her rage all built up like never before.

 

“NEVER!” screamed Harley as she managed to stand up.

 

Then she ran straight toward Wonder Woman, despite her leg bone sticking out!

 

As she made it to Wonder Woman, she held her fist out.

 

She threw her fist at Wonder Woman’s face.

 

And then…………

 

CRACK!

 

Harley howled in pain yet again, as her wrist got broken. Her hand was now hanging down from her wrist like a T-Rex.

 

“No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” screamed Harley. “The steroid had worn off!”

 

Harley knelt to the ground, defeated.

 

Then she began to cry.

 

“Now, I’ll be known as the woman who lost against you!”

 

A circle of people surrounded Wonder Woman and Harley. They all had their phones and were recording everything.

 

“I’ll take you to the hospital, and you can forget this ever happened,” said Wonder Woman.

 

But then, Dr Crane’s car arrived.

 

“We’ll take it from here, Wonder Woman,” he said.

 

Pamela got out and walked over to Harley. She helped the injured Harley to Crane’s car, they got inside and Crane drove off.

  
  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Harley blacked out from the intense fight she had. She fell asleep in the car.

 

When she woke up, she found herself in Pamela’s greenhouse. Harley was lying on a hospital bed with her hand and leg in casts. Pamela was at the end of the bed looking at her.

 

“Hi, Harl.”

 

“I didn’t know you had all this shit,” said Harley.

 

“Well, if we brought you into the hospital, people will die of a heart attack,” explained Pamela. “Plus, people won’t leave you alone.”

 

“Thanks, Pam,” said Harley.

 

“Erm, you have a visitor though,” replied Pamela.

 

“Who?” asked Harley.

 

In walked Wonder Woman.

 

“So, have you come to finish the job?” asked Harley.

 

“No,” answered Wonder Woman. “I just want to ask you some questions using this.”

 

She got out her rope.

 

“My rope will make you tell the truth.”

 

“Kay,” said Harley in disbelief.

 

Wonder Woman walked over and held the rope around Harley.

 

“Now, why did you want to kill me?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“I told you, to win J’s affection,” answered Harley.

 

“What makes you think if you kill me, that J won’t keep abusing you?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“You already asked me that when we were fighting,” said Harley.

 

“But you didn’t answer me,” replied Wonder Woman.

 

Harley just sat there, trying to think of an answer.

 

But nothing popped into her head.

 

No idea.

 

Then as Harley just sat there, her bottom lip began to quiver as tears rolled out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

 

After a few more seconds, Harley had an answer.

 

“I mean……………… Jesus Christ!” she told Wonder Woman. “Isn’t it obvious? You’re called the fucking ‘Wonder Woman’ for a reason. You’re beautiful, you’ve got great hair, a perfect body, awesome legs, most women would kill to be either you or just better than you. I hate you cos you’re so damn perfect.”

 

Wonder Woman looked into Harley’s tearful eyes.

 

“I’m not perfect.”

 

“And for once in my life,” sobbed Harley. “I just want everyone to cheer for me. My childhood was shitty and my teen and adult years are no different. People have been messing with me all my life. I’m the world’s favourite punching bag. And I thought that if I killed you…………. I mean, Jesus Christ! You’re a goddess! And if a mortal killed a goddess…………. Holy shit……….. People will just…………”

 

“You will become the greatest criminal that ever lived?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“Yeah…………. But that’s all gone to shit and I’m just a loser,” sobbed Harley.

 

“No, you’re not,” said Wonder Woman.

 

Harley looked at her with waterfalls of tears coming out.

 

“Wonder Woman?” asked Harley.

 

“Yeah?” asked Wonder Woman.

 

“Could I be the best enemy you’ve ever had?” asked Harley. “I mean J’s got Batman, Lex Luthor’s got Superman and………..”

 

Wonder Woman looked at her.

 

“Sure, I’ll put you at the top of my ‘Greatest Enemies’ list,” she answered.

 

“Are you being sarcastic?” asked Harley.

 

“No,” said Wonder Woman as she took the rope off Harley and wrapped it around herself.

 

“I really mean it, you will be the number one enemy I’ve fought. I mean you’ve tortured me with the deadliest tools. You are the psychotic person I’ve ever met. Not to mention utterly insane.”

 

To Harley, that was the greatest compliment a hero could give her. She held out her arms and Wonder Woman gave her a hug.

 

“Wonder Whore, I will make sure I’m the best damn villainess you ever faced,” sobbed Harley with joy.

 

“You’re Harley Quinn, if course you’re best damn villainess I’ve ever faced,” replied Wonder Woman.

 

Whilst hugging, Harley held up Wonder Woman’s hair and sniffed it.

 

Then they both stopped hugging.

 

“Well, I better go,” said Wonder Woman. “A heroine’s life is very, very busy. Especially when you’re both the hero and the alter ego.”

 

“Living two lives, you poor thing,” said Pamela.

 

“Wonder Bitch, when my leg and hand are healed, I’m coming for ya,” said Harley.

 

“I’ll look forward to that,” said Wonder Woman as she left. “Evening, ladies.”

 

“God I hate her, yet love her at the same time,” said Harley.

 

“Same here,” said Pamela.

  
  
  
  
  


The next day, Harley got another visitor.

 

“Hello, Harley.”

 

Harley’s eyes lit up.

 

“J?”

 

It was the Joker alright.

 

“So, you took on Wonder Woman,” he began. “That has got to be the stupidest……..”

 

 _Oh shit!_ thought Harley. _Here he is putting me down again!_

 

But the Joker finished his sentence.

 

“............. yet most badass thing I’ve ever seen!”

 

Harley smiled.

 

“You’ve got balls, Harley! That’s why I love ya!” said the Joker as he pulled out a bottle of champagne and popped the cork.

 

Pamela had three glasses and the Joker poured into them.

 

“And guess what?” said the Joker. “Every criminal on Twitter is going absolutely crazy!”

 

“He’s right,” said Pamela as she showed Harley the laptop.

 

On Harley’s Twitter account, she got thousands and thousands of Tweets all praising her.

 

“AWESOME, HARL!” one said.

 

“YOU TOOK ON WW, YOU LUCKY BITCH!” said another.

 

“We should do lunch,” said another.

 

“So are you still mad at me?” Harley asked the Joker.

 

“No,” said the Joker. “You just blew my mind. Not even I would dare take on Superman. I got enough problems with the Batstard, but he’s human. You fought a titan!”

 

“And lost,” sighed Harley.

 

“But you had the balls to pick a fight with her,” said the Joker. “If I tried to do that with the Man of Steel, I’d shit myself!”

 

“At least you won’t be constipated,” replied Harley.

 

She and the Joker laughed. Just then, J’s Smartphone rang. He answered it.

 

“Yeah? Oh really. Shit, okay.”

 

He hung up and looked at Harley.

 

“Babe, I gotta go. My men are having problems with Nightwing and Batgirl again. Better make a special appearance. I’ll come visit you tomorrow.”

 

“See ya, J!” said Harley.

 

“See ya, Harl,” replied the Joker. “My girlfriend, the woman who dared to fight Wonder Woman. I get aroused just saying that!”

 

And then he left.

 

Harley and Pamela looked at each other with the glass of champagne.

 

“To our future crimes!” they both said as they clinked them.

 

THE END

 


End file.
